11. At The Moment Life Is………

We cannot say that life over the past weeks has been boring or uneventful. Far from it. I’ve only just stopped spinning.

We have now been living in Spain for 6 weeks, rented 4 different properties and made endless phone calls and appointments trying to get all our Spanish paperwork in order etc etc etc. We have even had problems with a large bank here in Spain who, in their wisdom,  decided to block our account. Why? Well, the head office deemed Cyprus as a money laundering paradise and not bound by EU law!  We had been living and working in Cyprus for the passed 12 years we have all our residency papers, tax registrations and sales contacts for our home and apartment which we sold so that we could move over to Spain. Nothing we sent them has so far unblocked our account. They know where our money has come from and what we are going to spend it on but …no.

It really does not matter in which country you live in, there is always endless red tape and silly errors made by all government departments and head offices.  I think we have seen and dealt with them all (seems that way to us). Living in Cyprus we are used to things happening slowly and being far more complicated then is necessary but in Spain there seems to be another dimension to the mix. Government or local offices may start work at 0900 but at 1030 it’s breakfast at a local cafe, return at 1130 to finish for the day at 1400. That’s a good working day in anyone’s book.

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So, where are we now on the cave front? Let me summarise. Originally we bought our dream cave in the Cueva de Luna area to reform into a wonderful living space. The cave named ‘Cueva de Limon’ is still there and looking just as grand and exciting.

Then our plans grew. As we had sold both of our properties in Cyprus sooner than we thought, we decided to buy a second cave where we could live whilst our original cave was being transformed. This second purchase would give us a base for the short term and, when we moved out and into our dream home, we could rent it out giving us a small and hopefully steady income. After a week of full on searching we found this second cave in the Rio de Baza area. However, over the past few weeks, this second cave has become more and more problematic. The owners, although wanting to sell, would not set a date for completion. Why, I can hear you ask? Pass! After 6 weeks of waiting we decided to cut our losses and restart the search for a new second property.

This time we raised our cash limit and widened our search. We looked at cortijos (farmhouses) and caves. But this time we wanted something fully reformed giving us little or no work to worry about. And then….. last Wednesday, with lots of help from Chris, I found the ideal cave in the Puente Arriba area of Benamaurel. It is larger, fully

renovated to a high standard, has 6 bedrooms at least, 4 bathrooms, half of the rooms are fully furnished (minus a washing machine) and lots of land and secret gardens full with beautiful grape vines. In fact we have approx 2.5 acres or 10,000 sqm of land around us.  Much more cave for our money than the problematic cave – it was surely meant to be. Perfecto!

Today, exactly one week later, contracts have been exchanged and we are ready to move in. How good is that.  Is this a record?

The other beauty of this cave is that it can be used as a large home or can easily be divided into two properties by locking a dividing door. Each side would have its own separate entrances (times 2), a separate driveway and its own outdoor areas. The only work that would be necessary to divide the cave into two would be to fit a second kitchen (pipes are already installed in one of the cave rooms). The rest is all there. One room is so large it could easily be decided into 2 bedrooms with one being en-suite if required. My only reservation in making this property into two rentals is that we may enjoy living here so much we will want to make it our forever home.

357b3b9So, the plan for the near future – we are going to live and enjoy our time in this new cave
357b3b9and make our decisions in the new year. (Yes Chris, your advice was duly noted). We have choices and can be flexible. That is what life is all about – being flexible and making decisions that are right for you.

Life can be tough but it can also be good. At the moment life is……sorry not going to tell you as I really don’t want to jinx it. It’s also called Sod’s law and I really don’t know Mr Sod but he needs a good strong talking to.

Xx

10. We made it to Spain. Perfecto!

22728836_740099056178328_996893290030930417_nHow we’ve survived the last few weeks I will never know.  It has been seriously hard!  Chris, my son, asked me how and what was so hard and I just couldn’t put into words why we felt that way! Perhaps it is our age, perhaps our health or perhaps we underestimated the energy we would need to move lock stock and barrel to a new country, again.  Perhaps it was due to all three.

It all started with saying goodbye to some very good friends.  We have been lucky to have a handful of people we could rely upon in Cyprus.  The kind of friends that are there for you no mater what.  We all know that true friends are like gold dust and we truly feel blessed.  Bill and Sue, Dave and Doreen, Hercules and Effi, Gay, Christakis,  just to name a few.

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In the short time we had to prepare for our journey, we made detailed plans to ensure our move from Cyprus to Spain went as smooth as possible.  However, plans can only be as good as the people  involved.  If those contracted to do a job or made promises to deliver don’t, then your plans have to be adjusted.  Sometimes our plans got adjusted on a daily basis!  We have been so disillusioned by others being money orientated, power mad or just plain devious.  We are honest people and pay good money for a fair job – but it is not that straight forward sometimes, is it!

The only ‘plan’ that sailed through the process without hiccup or change was for the accommodation and transportation of our two dogs, Barney and Charlie.  We went ahead of the boys by 11 days.  Annie’s Animal Ark (Anne Parsons) made all the arrangements to get the boys over to Spain, resourced giant crates and kept us informed all the way.  Her fee for the work she did was  not just fair but brilliant.  Then there was Tony and Gina Potter.  Tony cares for visiting dogs in his own home and the boys simply love him.  For us to leave the boys with Tony and knIMG_0817ow that they would truly have a great 11 day ‘holiday’ was such a relief.  Charlie has one mission in life which is to clean everyone and is a fairly confident boy but Barney is, and always has been, a very fearful boy.  Walking  with Barney outside of his own safe domain can be a nightmare.   God forbid if there is a parked car on the street that is not normally parked there.  He would simply refuse to pass this highly dangerous situation and use all his strength to return to the safety of his domain.  Being 38 kilos and having a strong front end (having 2 operations on his back hips made the front half a power pack), if Barney wants to go, you go to.  This is all down to him having a bad start in life in Cyprus as a pup and we were very worried that he would not survive the journey but with Tony and Anne taking charge all went so much better than we could have imagined,  Thank you so much to you both.  You come highly recommended by us all.

 

We have now been in Spain for 2 weeks and each day we get closer to getting our paperwork and general life sorted.  We will have our new car on Friday, (fully insured with a tracker fitted hopefully), which will allow us to return the hire car – hooray!; with a good wind we will be official residents of Baza when we get our Padron at the end of the week, (we need an address which is registered with Baza town hall and, as we could not use our first cave’s address as it is not yet registered with them, we were stumped. However, we should be proud owners of another two caves by the end of week which are registered); and we will have internet in the new caves within a week – now breathe.

full_1535_18511If you recall one of the caves is fully reformed and is almost ready to move into.  This will be our home until our original cave is complete.  Once we are settled in we can work on the front area of the caves to transform it into an area of peace and tranquility with sun beds, hammocks and outside eating areas.  The second cave next door is unreformed, but once complete, will provide us with an additional rental cave for anyone wishing to stay in a truly amazing area.  These two caves will be known as Cueva de la Paz 1 and Cueva de la Paz 2.  (Cave of Peace).

When the contracts for the new caves are signed (we are crossing fingers for the 3rd November) we will have 5 days to clean inside and organise any small repairs that are necessary before we have to move out of our rented cortijo (farmhouse).   I then need to arrange for delivery of mattresses (bases are built in), a couple of chairs, microwave and bedding and we can move in.  Our container from Cyprus should be arriving sometime after 9 November (we hope) so we should have a homely cave by then.  More fun to look forward to!   Chris is flying out hopefully on the 16th so it will be all hands on deck.  Did I say he could have a holiday?  I lied!

We can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. Our future in Spain can begin and I will work hard to ensure we enjoy every minute.  Hopefully the family can come over as often as their lives allow, which will be wonderful for me as I do miss them loads, and it will be something different for them.  New experiences to share and enjoy.

I am ending this blog now as my Cerveza Limon is ready to be consumed.  Enjoy, I know I will:-)

xx

 

 

 

9. It’s Happening…Goodbye Cyprus.

It’s happening.  We have sold our two properties in Cyprus.

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The sale of the house is going through ok after the many meetings and phone calls to get the house deeds amended.   The one missing piece of paper actually arrived and has been approved, stamped and lodged with the correct department.  That left us with the apartment still on the market.   Until, on the day I was flying out to Spain to view other cave properties,  I received a phone call to say an offer had been made on the the apartment. This offer was raised slightly and duly accepted by us both.   Wonderful.   My trip to Spain was starting off well.

In my last blog you may remember that we discussed whether to rent for 12 months in Spain whilst our own cave was reformed or whether to buy a second cave which was  ready to move into immediately. The later would give us somewhere to live for the 12 months and, when we moved out, would provide us with a rental property which would give us a little income.  Win, win.

Well, during my visit to Spain last week (with our great friend Dave Nelson), I found the perfect 3 bed cave for us to move into immediately and…..it has another 3 bed cave next door which just needs finishing off!   Two large caves, 6 beds, 2 lounges, 2 kitchen, 2 bathrooms and a large expanse of outdoor space all for a great price of €83,000.   The second cave even has stone steps that lead nowhere!!

The properties had been on the market for €135,000 but they had been reduced a matter of days before we arrived.  A great deal of interest had already been received by the estate agents in the area and I was not to sure whether we would be the successful purchasers but…. we were.  The phone call came from Sean at Spainish-Inland-Properties to confirm we were the proud owners, as I arrived back at Birmingham airport.

What a week that was.  Thank you Dave Nelson for going through it all with me, sharing the ups and downs and wearing out shoe leather.  I hope all the great tapas we endured went a little way towards compensation.

In less than 12 months we will have not one but two great and unusual rental properties. I am over the moon.

There may be a little work to do and a certain amount of planning of the outdoor spaces but that is going to be fun especially when we will be living there.  Inside needs a coat of paint in certain areas and each room needs a good clean . The outside area of the new caves is quite extensive. Part of the area has trees which will need to be cut back and hedges that need to be taken out. We will need patio areas, stone tables and benches, hammocks, four poster sun beds….. and maybe a pool? We are undecided about that, (sorry Dave), as a pool is quite work intensive, expensive to run and maintain and is it really necessary? Jury is still out.  We do have a few volunteers keen to help us get settled.  Chris, Dave,  Tracy… fancy putting your rubber gloves on??  Block you diaries for the second half of October!

But for now we have the hard work that only John and I can do.  The planning, arranging, dealing with solicitors, packing and moving contents of a large house and 2 wonderful dogs to Spain. I will admit that it is all rather scary as we do not have a sales agreement for the house signed as yet – apparently that happens on the day of exchange  which is to be 10 October.  This all happens a few days before we are due to fly out of Cyprus on the 15 October.

As I write this update we have had a couple arrived to look at our two cars.  Within 5 minutes they were sold and all within an hour of advertising them on Facebook.  One has been taken away and the other we can keep until the 13 October!  How good is that?  Only John’s bike to go now.  Help!  So far everything has had perfect timing ….long may that continue.

Thank you for following our exciting journey and I hope you will continue with us all the way. x

 

8. Are we in Spain yet?

We may have news – good news!

IMG_4053.JPGWe have a buyer for our house in Cyprus. Well, we have him on one condition and that one condition has proved to be a bit of a hurdle. It is a long story but to complete on the house we need to provide clear title deeds with no conditions.   When we purchased the house we knew that we would need to give a corner of our land to the Pyrgos Council when and if (and it is a huge if) they decide to build a road down the side of our property.   Our corner, as pictured and includes a huge fig tree and two fir trees, would become a 1/4 of a cul-de-sac. Fine. This road is very unlikely to be built but it needs to be recorded that if at such time…. etc etc etc. It has been a nightmare to sort out, what we thought was an easy process has turned out to be a little wrong and that is putting it mildly.

We had two options. 1. To build the 1/4 of the cul-de-sac ourselves or pay the local council an over the top amount of money so they have the funds to do it when and if.   We asked our local Pyrgos council to accept the cash, which had been agreed by the main planning office, and they refused.  This is not the norm so we have been told, as local councils will accept these offers as a matter of principle and because the main planning office has given their blessing.  So why did they refuse us?  Who knows, it’s all a secret.

We decided to go to plan B and look into building the cul-de-sac ourselves. Fine .. no problem at all and it would cost us less money. However, just before we went ahead we were told that the service companies would need to be consulted to where their pipes should be laid in our corner of the cul-de-sac.  That is where it all fell apart. As the road has not been built, and the design of the proposed road keeps changing, the service companies (sewerage and electricity) would not be able to agree to where we should lay their pipes in this ‘may never be used’ cul-de-sac. Stalemate.

So, back to the next council meeting a month later to ask again for their help.  The answer came back, yet again, no. We were at a loss. Why were they refusing us when it is apparently normal practise? This is when the sale should have fell through but as the maybe buyers really want our lovely home, at its rock bottom price, they are hanging on. We tried the council a third and last time but I added a begging letter with our request. The answer came back yes. At last we can move forward.

Yes, a move forward but Cypriot style… very slowly or “siga siga”. What should have taken a day has now gone into its second week because everyone is on holiday (Cyprus shuts down in August) but we are at the last hurdle and have been informed by our local Mukhtar that all is well and it is now being sorted. Our buyer is pleased and all systems are go – well almost – we still need the confirmation from the council in writing, and pay over a wadge of money. But, we must now begin to make our plans so as not be be left high and dry when we do receive the said letter.  Notice I said ‘when’!

So we have to assume we have sold. What do we do know?

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Our first consideration is where do we live for the six months that it will take to reform our cave in Spain. Do we rent in Spain? It is an option but we both believe that renting is dead money. Do we rent in the UK? Same thing applies with the additional costs of going backwards and forwards from the UK to Spain, hiring cars and accommodation every time I need to go over to speak to builders or architects.

Do we buy a caravan and park it on our land next to the cave?  We would be on site which would make our lives so much easier.  However, John will need to continue to work and with his ‘office’ and two large dogs, a caravan no matter how large, would not work for 6 months.  A week or two yes!  Our next thought was to buy a ready reformed cave to move into and then, when the time comes to move into our new home, we will have a property to rent out as a holiday home.  There are beautiful reformed caves for €40,000 – €50,000 to be had. This option is our favourite. It will provide us with an income for relatively little money and money that would be invested in property rather than sitting in a bank.  Here is just one example of the caves in the area.

This particular cave is finished to a high standard and is on the market for a little more but with a bit of negotiation you just never know. I really like this particular cave, it would look great with the right interior design, and I cannot wait to see it.

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Another property is two in one.  The first is a well appointed 3 bed cave ready to move in to (white building) with a second cave to the left (brown building) that needs a reform. All for around €40,000!  You just cannot go wrong.

The area we are moving to, Cuevas de Luna (Caves of the Moon), is close to several conservation areas, Baza, Castril and of course the Sierra Nevada, and many popular and beautiful lakes, Negratin being within minutes drive of our area.   With a little interior design we should have little problem in renting and, if family and friends want to come over, we will have somewhere for them to stay. Win win.

As I have said our buyers are in a hurry to move in to our home which makes it necessary for our ‘moving forward’ plans to be organised and ready to put into action at a moments notice.    We need to view properties in Spain, so that if I find the perfect cave, we can begin the process of buying as soon as our house in Cyprus is safely off the market.  That should happen in a week or two and then in and around October, we need to be out – only weeks away.  So, I am flying to Spain on the 5 September to view 24 caves in the area ranging from ‘no work to be done’ to ‘little TLC needed’. By this time the house should be firmly secured in the sale.

I am very excited and freely admit to being totally scared. It is a new chapter in our lives and one that is, in the main, new to us. Caves and Spain. Saying that we have lived in Cyprus for 12 years now and Spain is very similar to Cyprus in the way things work so we are not going with our eyes closed. It is all very different to the UK, that we know.

Now we have made the decision to buy another property in Spain to move into, it makes the next consideration an easy one. What to take with us? We have a 5 bed house here in Cyprus. A 5 bed house will not go into a small 3 bed cave especially when most of the cave furniture will be built in. Seating and beds will all be concrete/brick based. However, now we are looking for a further property (or maybe two if the prices are right) we can afford to take everything with us to help furnish it/them. But that then leads to the problem of how to store some of our personal items and items we need for our own cave. Answer – buy a container. We can use our own container, instead of renting, to ship over and then have that container delivered to our cave. We will have the storage for now and for when we move in.  It will be very useful, of that I am sure.  I have a knack of filling empty spaces so my husband tells me!

The other huge consideration for us is our two rescue dogs.

IMG_0817Until very recently, for animals to fly from Cyprus to Spain, it entailed 2 flights.  This has been a huge issue for us. Charlie (golden colour) would be OK – he would get over the ordeal quickly but we don’t think Barney (white and golden) would. He was seriously abused as a pup and was not expected to survive. Although now he is absolutely great and a wonderful placid pet within the safety of his own environment, due to his bad start in life, he has a few major issues.  He has suffered two hip operations which have left him unable to walk too far and he is a nervous wreck of a dog. He is absolutely fine when there is no-one around or nothing unusual about. When I say unusual I mean a parked car that is not normally parked in our road or a child’s voice which can be heard in the distant garden or a man half a mile up the road walking towards us. He goes into major panic mode and drags us all the way home. Being a 38 kilo dog with a powerful front end, you don’t really have a choice, trust me.

So, Barney would be a problem with two flights.  He would suffer, of that I am sure. However, good news.  Cobalt have just announced that they are to start transporting animals on its flights. Hooray. This means that both dogs have to endure one flight from Larnaca to Madrid. The only downside is that they will have a 5 hour car journey from Madrid to the cave.  That we can manage, as they will be with us and we can stop regularly on route, so it should not be as bad as it sounds. I am really pleased about this news from Cobalt.  It has happened at just the right time for us. It makes the uprooting of our boys much easier and puts our minds more at ease.

So…. We have not yet completed on the house sale, I’ve booked flights to Spain to look for a second or possibly third property, I’ve reserved a container and organised how we are going to move our goods and pets over to Spain. All I need now is money!!  Anyone willing to help out?

 

6. Off To Meet The Architect.

Friends have asked me, ‘How is the cave coming along?’ My honest answer is, ‘I really don’t know’.   We are making progress albeit very slowly with tiny steps.

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My latest trip to Spain was for a dual purpose. I needed to meet with the architect and builder to discuss alterations and extensions to the original plans we had been given when we purchased the cave but most importantly, to discuss the boundary of our land.  If you recall from my previous posts the deeds for the cave still have the original map detailing the plot as it was back in the Flintstone days.  Plots of land had been verbally exchanged, (farming land for extra scrub land), but nothing was put down in writing and no alterations had been made to the drawings.  This apparently happens a lot in Spain and according to our solicitor – nothing to worry about.   I sit here with crossed fingers!  The new updated drawings would then be attached to the deeds of the cave to make everything clear and legal.

As the builder spoke no English, (but had most lovely eyes), and the architect very little, Matilda agreed to meet up and help out. Matilda will be overseeing the reform of the cave when we are in a position to begin.

The temperatures were in the late 30’s as we walked around outside the cave, but as we went inside the cave, the temperature dropped to a lovely 20 degrees. That is what cave life is all about.  Cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter.

As we walked around it was getting more and more obvious that some of my plans for the reform would need to change. The builder was not happy with the idea of digging into the cave any further than had already been done which was rather disappointing. However, the lounge area that I had imagined to be on the left hand side of the cave was achievable pending planning permission. This is where we are hoping Matias, the architect, will be worth his money.  Matias was born in the area and worked within the planning department until recently when he moved towards the coast. If anyone can get plans passed we are hoping he can.

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The lounge area will be designed to appear as part of the cave apparently – I cannot wait to see the plans.

The urgency of the drawings to mark out the land has been put back slightly as the planning offices close during most of the month of August so it is unlikely that we can get anything finalised until September. Hey ho, so be it.

So yes, we have moved forward but….as I say, it does appear to be with tiny steps. But, as I always say, those tiny steps all add up and in this case add up to us living in a cave. The problem is that the older I get the less patient a person I am, especially when I have set my mind at something.

The second purpose for my trip to Spain was to give my granddaughter Megan a holiday. Megan has been revising none stop for her exams so I wanted to give her a break away (and for her to see the cave in person). Ryan (Megan’s twin) has also had exams but he had flown off to celebrate with friends on another Spanish island.

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So, it was decided to have a girlie week with me, Megan and Sharon (Megan’s mom). We had a lovely 4 days near to the cave. I did all I could with the people I needed to see and we toured around the area visiting villages and shopping centres!  We found a wonderful centre close to Granada which had every shop you could dream of in a surrounding that was second to none.  It truly was amazing and one that I will certainly go back to.  You could certainly make a day of it even if you don’t shop.  The last 3 days of our trip we decided to move nearer to Malaga Airport as we had an extremely early flight home.

We chose a converted nunnery about 10km inland, which was a lovely spot in the mountains, but I must admit to feeling a little pleased that we had chosen the Granada area to live.  When you are not so near to the coast you get great daytime temperatures, cooler nights and ….no humidity! Wonderful.

Now we wait for the drawings to be completed and continue to advertise the 5 bed house and 2 bed apartment in Cyprus.  Spain awaits.

Here is another little video we made during our last visit.  I cannot wait to show you a video when the work begins.  It will be amazing –  I hope.😉

4. How Do You Name A Cave?

How Do You Name A Cave?  That is not an easy questions to answer!

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Naming your cave is a necessity if it is located within the Campo, (countryside), in rural Spain like ours.  There are no roads or streets only dirt tracks, and miles of them. Tracks that do not show up on any sat nav or map. Hence the quickest and easiest way the postman can identify you with your address is by naming your cave. Don’t get me wrong…. you will not get a delivery once a day or even once a week. Certainly not! You go to the local post office (which could actually be located in a butchers shop, tapas bar or a local business office) and sort through any post they may have. Apparently, I have been told that neighbours, (and I say that in the widest sense of the word), will be asked to pop the post round to you if they happen to be passing!

Our original idea for a name for our cave was a good one we thought , Cave of Dreams’. We came up with the name because the web site is called http://www.makingdreams.me.  We truly believe that the cave will become our dream home and we are absolutely in love with the whole project.   So…. It sounded just about right to us. Cueva de Suenos our cave of dreams.  However, looking on the internet I found at least 3 caves in the same area with that exact name.  We would be looking for trouble and lots of confusion too so… we had to rethink.

Lots of suggestions came up and cast away just as quickly. Then I thought about the style of the cave I was looking for. I want white, smooth, curvy walls, nothing straight, nothing rough and only white. How about ‘The White Cave’. Immediately I went back on the internet and found nothing in the area that was similar. Or….how about ‘Cave With A View’?

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It certain does have a view all around and one that we love. This started the ball rolling, we had lots of thoughts for a name.  Now comes the hard part, which name to choose and which name would be appropriate for our dream cave?

The White Cave – La Cueva Blanca.
Cave With A View – Cueva Con una Vista
Cave With Views – Cueva Con Vistas
Cave of Poppies – Cueva De Amapolas
Our Cave – Nuestra Cueva
Cave of Susanne – Cueva de Susana

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I will let you know soon, but if you have any suggestions (clean ones please) get in touch. X

1. The Cave ….. At The Beginning!

It was love at first sight.   It was love over the Internet.   I had seen the perfect home for John and I to ‘live out’ the rest of our lives.

Was it a villa with a pool?  No, already got that in Cyprus.
Was it a farm house in Tuscany?  No, France can be a little too cold and wet.

It’s a cave!  Yes, a cave.  Thankfully, John instantly fell in love too and that is quite surprising fIMG_4002rom a man who weighs up all the options a million times before committing to anything, (even going to the cinema).

We talked for hours about ‘what if’, ‘when’, ‘how’ and all the things you both need to work through when processing such an idea or project.  After much debate and many many unanswered questions we both came to the same humungous decision – we both agreed we wanted to buy this particular cave.  This is where it all began.  We contacted the estate agent in Spain, made an offer and waited for a response back.

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When To Give Up?

images-3.jpegIf I had asked myself this question a few years ago my answer would have been a resounding ‘never‘!

But….life sometimes takes you on a different path than you expected just to prove that your beliefs are not as stable as you once thought.  Your once certain knowledge to the ‘Questions of life’ can change quite dramatically.  For the better? Not too sure on that one. Ask me in a few years time.

We all know perfectly well that there is good and bad in this world. You cannot turn the TV on or open a newspaper without that fact jumping out at you. However, today I want to talk about the good and bad that can effect our very existence, the good and bad that is closer to home and personal.

We all get hurt by someone close to us. A husband, wife, child or friend – it does not matter who they are. Those closest to us can hurt the most.  Sometimes those that are close, whom are generally caring and kind, want to hurt you in any way that they can. The pain from this hurt is the silver lining of all pains. So why does it happen especially when you truly don’t deserve to receive such hurt?

I have agonised over, digested and agonised all over again, this very question. My conclusion is – I don’t know and I don’t think they know either. Sometimes when a person is hurting badly they will turn against the one person they love and they then become the enemy. All their fears and anger gets channeled onto you. You have caused all the pain and suffering because you did not do…….you have caused this to happen because you should have……I would not feel like this if you had…….the list just goes on and on.

The world does not revolve around one person. Our lives have many factors that we should and need to consider especially when we make life changing decisions. To balance all these considerations is far from easy. Whom do we let down or upset, what can we do to help to balance the scales, how can we make it work for everyone, what do we ourselves actually want to do?  There can be so many considerations to work through and agonise over when a major life changing decision has to be made but… there is one thing for sure, you are not going to please everyone.

couple_communication_errors_281x309.jpgWhen a person channels their anger and hurt at another person who is close to them, feelings get that intense they cannot see or hear anything other than the thoughts in their own head. They wear blinkers and will not accept any action or words that don’t fit into their self made picture of events locked away in their minds. They only hear certain words in a sentence which are then used against you to justify their anger. The problem with this is that everything gets taken out of context and it does not matter how many times you try and explain, nothing else gets heard. You are talking to a brick wall that has gone deaf. Their pain, self made or not, is just far to intense.

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Being a mom is not easy!

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This title is so understated. It should read ‘Being a mom is bloody hard!’

If you are a lucky mom you will have family around you when your baby is born and in the years that follow. Family to guide you, support you and simply ‘just be there’.  Don’t get me wrong, this does not mean that they are at your beck and call every minute of the day or live in your shoes day and night, but simply to be there for you at the end of a phone or, in this day and age, FaceTime/Skype.   If you are extremely lucky you will have close friends who also have/had children and can relate stories of how they coped with just that emotion you’re experiencing or that wonderful tantrum you are trying to control when in the street.

Some of us aren’t that lucky and find ourselves doing what we can with the knowledge we have, albeit very little. I was just one of those moms.  I had no parents or close friends to rely on and I was young and very naive.  But, with lots of love and a certain amount of intelligence you can raise your child to be just as great. Morals and manners are easy to teach and worth every minute of your time. They are a great grounding for adult hood.  Hearing from our family and friends how little Tommy was potty trained or how Sam was reading at the age of 2 is often unhelpful anyway. We all know that children are different. They grow at different stages, their development comes at different times and speeds and …. very importantly, we should never compare children with each other. Does it matter if your child is not reading at the age of 2 but little Sam is on her next boxed set of books? 99.9% of the time the answer is no. Children catch up very quickly. By the time they go to school the gap will be a lot smaller albeit if any gap at all.

We automatically want our first child to walk, talk and generally grow up far to quickly. We have that sense of pride when others notice that little Dan is no longer in nappies and he has only just had his 1st birthday! The second child is different. We are not in such a rush. We have learnt that children grow up far far too quick and we try and savour each stage of our child’s growth. With the third child (I would imagine this to be true as I only had two) all rule books go out of the window and the child dictates what they do and when they do it.

Problems start when they grow up to be teenagers and adults. But… that is for another day.

My advice to all moms – enjoy every minute with your children and never regret the ‘me time’ that you don’t seem to be able to get because you need to bath your child, sort their clothes, make meals or just read to them. You will get the ‘me time’ you need and far too quickly. I promise.

 

 

Does money make us happy? If not, what does?

images-1Deep down we all know that money is not the ‘be all and end all’ but …..in this modern society we live in today it is necessary if we want to live comfortably.   However, what is the definition of comfortable and how much money do we need to achieve it?   I believe that the sum of money you need to be comfortable cannot be quantified. Why? Living in London you will need more of the ‘cash’ to live the same life as you would in say, in Thailand.

So my definition of comfortable would be whether I have enough food, shelter and love around me to live a good and happy life.  I personally have too much food, have a lovely ‘shelter’ and lots of love. I am one of the lucky ones. If I was to loose one of those elements, my life would soon turn upside down.  It has happened to me in the past but, in time, I managed to replace that missing element which allowed me to live life again with a smile.

The future is unpredictable – you may have years of happiness still to go but you may not! Make everyday count. Don’t let others put you down, make you feel worthless or insecure. If they do, get rid and quickly. You deserve better.

Sometimes we can overlook the smaller things in our life.  However, if they ceases to exist or exit our lives, we may find a hole in our very existence. That hole could be filled with other similar things, but occasionally, filling that hole is like trying to put a square peg into a round hole. It just cannot happen.

So…. Continue reading