When To Give Up?

images-3.jpegIf I had asked myself this question a few years ago my answer would have been a resounding ‘never‘!

But….life sometimes takes you on a different path than you expected just to prove that your beliefs are not as stable as you once thought.  Your once certain knowledge to the ‘Questions of life’ can change quite dramatically.  For the better? Not too sure on that one. Ask me in a few years time.

We all know perfectly well that there is good and bad in this world. You cannot turn the TV on or open a newspaper without that fact jumping out at you. However, today I want to talk about the good and bad that can effect our very existence, the good and bad that is closer to home and personal.

We all get hurt by someone close to us. A husband, wife, child or friend – it does not matter who they are. Those closest to us can hurt the most.  Sometimes those that are close, whom are generally caring and kind, want to hurt you in any way that they can. The pain from this hurt is the silver lining of all pains. So why does it happen especially when you truly don’t deserve to receive such hurt?

I have agonised over, digested and agonised all over again, this very question. My conclusion is – I don’t know and I don’t think they know either. Sometimes when a person is hurting badly they will turn against the one person they love and they then become the enemy. All their fears and anger gets channeled onto you. You have caused all the pain and suffering because you did not do…….you have caused this to happen because you should have……I would not feel like this if you had…….the list just goes on and on.

The world does not revolve around one person. Our lives have many factors that we should and need to consider especially when we make life changing decisions. To balance all these considerations is far from easy. Whom do we let down or upset, what can we do to help to balance the scales, how can we make it work for everyone, what do we ourselves actually want to do?  There can be so many considerations to work through and agonise over when a major life changing decision has to be made but… there is one thing for sure, you are not going to please everyone.

couple_communication_errors_281x309.jpgWhen a person channels their anger and hurt at another person who is close to them, feelings get that intense they cannot see or hear anything other than the thoughts in their own head. They wear blinkers and will not accept any action or words that don’t fit into their self made picture of events locked away in their minds. They only hear certain words in a sentence which are then used against you to justify their anger. The problem with this is that everything gets taken out of context and it does not matter how many times you try and explain, nothing else gets heard. You are talking to a brick wall that has gone deaf. Their pain, self made or not, is just far to intense.

If you are the receiver of such anger you may find you go through lots of different emotions. You may start justifying their actions,  ‘They did not mean it, they are upset’, ‘they will realise what they are doing soon’, ‘they will see that the more I do for them, how wrong they are, and that my love is genuine’….etc etc etc.  You may start questioning what it was that you did or did not do to cause this pain.  You may start to think that you deserve the pain that is being thrown at you.  But stop there……no one deserves that no matter what you think you may or may not have done.  People make mistakes out of ignorance or naivety.    Good people make those mistakes all the time.  Life is a lesson every single day and these lessons give us the knowledge to do better.  You should never feel ashamed or made to feel any less of a person because of these mistakes.

It does not matter how patient you are or how understanding you can be – you are human and eventually, you will break. You ask yourself what it is that you have done, should you have done things differently, are you in fact a bad person? It goes on and on. You question your whole life and the actions you have taken. You eventually come to the conclusion that you did what you did with the understanding and knowledge you had of the situation at that time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but alas being human means that hindsight is too far away to grasp. It’s impossible. And…..what is a bad decision anyway. It was right at the time it was made. Circumstance may have changed after the event but again, without hindsight what can be done.

What can you do now? Nothing. This is were I say, ‘sorry but it is time to give up’. They win.  Let them have their victory whatever that may mean. I truly know that it is a hollow victory and an outcome they really did not want anyway.  You can only hope that they realise this sooner rather than later.

But as my uncle Buddy used to say, ‘The truth will come out’.  It may be a week, a month, a year or longer but realisation will come.  Hopefully that moment in time will not be to late to make amends.  So often it is!

When do you give up? My answer at this moment in time would be, ‘When you have truly hit your last brick wall and only for a while’. Time will help you back up and you will be a stronger person for it. Eventually.images.jpeg

My advice to everyone is talk. Talk about your feelings, insecurities and lack of understanding. And… then talk some more. It could just stop things like this
from happening and believe me when I say it is so worth the effort. My one regret I do have in life is that I didn’t. Talk!

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